[Steve]

~ My human runs slow because he uses only half of his legs.

~ If I eat that cat's poop, tomorrow it'll be my poop.

~ Why do humans harvest our poop?

~ Oh boy oh boy oh boy the pizza crust man is here.

~ If I wasn't around, my human would lose dozens of tennis balls every day.

~ SQUIRRELS ARE JUST TENNIS BALLS THROWN BY GOD.

~ Human has gotten noticeably smaller since we first met. He used to be able to pick me up with one hand!

~ I had to bark at my human for 12 hours before he would come back inside the house, but it worked.

~ GUYS. GUYS. MOM JUST GAVE ME A BATH AND I THOUGHT I WAS DYING BUT I'M NOT DEAD AND NOW LOOK HOW FAST I AM!!